thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize