'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How does one acquire holy water?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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