you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
how drunk are you?
Several
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
