Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
