everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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