I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
