At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
