should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
