also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
