I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
