idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
