please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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