I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
