If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
