it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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