New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
