Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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