im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
