Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
