you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
