I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize