i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
