It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
