did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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