So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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