Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
