i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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