i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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