btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
