You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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