R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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