Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
