Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
