I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
