I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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