I want to have your abortion
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
