That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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