oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
