I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
