how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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