this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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