She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
