you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
