I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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