How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
