I like my sex mixed with concussions.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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