i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
