so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize