Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
