My girlfriend figured out who you are.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
