Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
