Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My dick has a subreddit
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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