you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
