I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
