Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
