The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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