Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
