You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize