My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
