the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And my parents said I crawled through the house
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
