HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
