It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
