it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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