i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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