what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
