you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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