Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
