For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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