just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
