The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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