It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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