I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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