I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
