I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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