You made me cry and you don't even care
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize