You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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