get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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