you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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