I'm passing your future prison.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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