I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
