That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
