Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize