Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
