i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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