They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what day is it and did you see me today?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
