Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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