Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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