i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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