I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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