I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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