I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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