My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
