Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My bed smells like the plague
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