Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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