The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
