I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dick very happy bro
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
