I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize