i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
