I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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