I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hippo gnu deer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
