The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
