its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize