1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
