I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
