My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
