apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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