New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
