Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
