STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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