wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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