Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
