In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
