he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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