Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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