They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize